01/06/04

    Able To Piss People Off In A Single "Bound"   Posted By Tillman

The word bound is in quotes up there because I'm not sure if what I do is really some sort of leap, but I guess any half intelligent person gets the jist of what I meant. What a weird/fucked up world we live in when I have to post a disclaimer to a topic on a site that's total focus is for me to speak my mind! Please, re-read what I just wrote. If you don't understand the angst in that sentence, then I give up. Well, posting I give up isn't really the massage I wanted to send, but again, I hope anyone with half a mind will understand. Ok, so as of now, we understand that this place is for me to rant about shit I want to rant about? I don't let anyone, or never will let someone's opinion influence me as to what I post here. There's many people I have respect for "on the net" that I link to/ allow to post on my forums that I really have nothing in common with because I like to get the whole story, and dig another point of view.

I don't want to write a whole rant about all this, but so many of my links have contacted me in the past asking me who from here (like they're part of FX) I sent over to fuck with them and their site. Well, to the entire net I say it's safe to say I have never really sent anyone to go out of their way to fuck with any webmaster of any site. Yes, there's been times when I linked sites and asked people to post their opinions not only on the for mentioned linked site but also here at FX. Some times I link sites that a few of my readers hate, they express what they feel for a site, but you have to understand, they do/say all that because they want to..... I never have nor never will tell someone what to post anywhere. I'm pretty sure that explains it all, but if you're still confused email me, and we'll talk about it.

Work has run it's course with me... I can't take another person named Shaneeka asking me "Why is making payments on a hot check unacceptable?"... I'm not really a total negative person at heart, but it seems that if every single part of my life is negative including work, it's tough. My brain doesn't mean shit if there's no motivation. I remember asking myself what "What the fuck are you doing" weekly, then monthly, and now it's yearly. Time has flown by so fast it seems that any hope of me being happy ever has been lost in endless drunk stupor.

There's some shit here called TV and radio tech or something that gets you ready for THAT.... That as in being on radio or TV. I'm just so paranoid about being in the public eye. I know my past will haunt me, and besides that although I know I'm more than worthy to be successful because of my wit and creative flair, there's so many days that I can't even stand not only the looks of me, but the thought of someone seeing me makes me freak. I hate being the focus of shit, but at the same time I thrive off of it. I want to be Tillman, but like I've been saying here on the net for 6 years, and in my "real life" ever since I can remember, I want to die! It's the truth, and to me it all makes sense.... Somehow.

I've met so many people, so many awesome people that I have total respect for tell me that they dig who I am, and it would always blow my mind because to me I'm just a pile of shit. They all told me to pursue my goals etc.... (A few people even thought that by me making FX that it would "launch Tillman" into the public eye. I knew it wouldn't or I would have never made the site!) But as I got some what successful and people approached me I said the same shit. I never made it. I had one hell of a good time, but I never really made it. So I lose. I, at this point in time have nothing to offer the world but these drunk rants, and over the last 6 years I've seen that my complete hatred of people in general has even scared off even the sick and twisted. When you think the whole world is crazy, then, you, you're the crazy one. I'm close to that, for sure.

That's where I'm at.

This section is called "rants" for a reason right? I just don't know anymore. I just spew.....

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