01/09/04

    Reasons This Year Is Going To Be Weird   Posted By Tillman

What a wonderfully fucked up time to be alive huh? I'm serious, you just never know what's going to happen next. I say this without even trying to include all the weird shit going on in the government, I'm talking about people in general. Check this shit out, there I am this morning at 6:30 AM, pumping gas into my car on my way to work in the snow when out of no where a bicycle dude rode up, putting air into his front tire. I notice everything when I'm "in public", and there he was, standing about ten feet from me, in the snow, putting air in his front tire while wearing spandex from head to toe. I thought it was strange, laughed to myself, and after I finished pumping my gas headed inside the store for a pack of smokes. On my way back to my car the bike guy was walking towards me and you'd have to be blind to see his huge ass erection bulging from his spandex. Thinking I was about to be raped I stood still while this freak walked past me and headed into the store. By now, I was laughing my ass off, I headed back to my car and waited to see how all this shit was going to play out. I could plainly see the dude, and his package clearly through the front door, and the people outside pumping their gas were all laughing and talking about this guy. Trust me, he was not only blessed, he must have been insane, because any normal person would have known what was up, no pun intended. When he walked back to his bike, he would have made John Homles jealous, but he didn't appeared to be "moved" by the whole thing. It was beyond words.

I started a new job within the last few weeks, and one of the guys there is plainly queer as fuck. But to save face to us/his coworkers he went into this story about how he got invited to a Mary Kay "party". Holy fuck, I wish I would have taped the conversation between him and the other black dude in the office. Trust me, it was worthy of Howard Stern. The gay dude (which he thought we didn't know he was gay) started off explaining that him and his "best friend" were invited to a Mary Kay "show" and since they didn't have anything else to do went. (The black dude he was talking to just laughed through out their conversation, but it was clear he was uncomfortable.) He then tried to beef up his story by explaining how awesome it would be to be the only guys at a all girl party. By now I was already laughing my ass off cause, trust me, unless you're fucking retarded, you know this guy is gay, but he's trying so hard to make us think he's not. (Why the PINK watch then fucker?) He then explains that his date.... Opps, his buddy is really drunk and lets the chicks put make up on him. And the gay dude asked us, "Why would my friend let them do that?" in a total complete queer voice. We all laughed so hard I thought maybe one of us would have to be air lifted to the ER. Maybe you'd "have to be there" to understand how funny I find this.... But, maybe not.... Trust me, he's totally gay, ok? Crazy shit!

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