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05/26/02
DIFFERENT SHADE OF BLACK Posted By T i l l m a n
05/24/02 HOLY FUCK Posted By T i l l m a n Yeah.... That's right. Major shit has changed around here.... I know all I'll get for my many hours of work is bitching and moaning, but it was way too fucking beyond time for a change. You hardcore FX folks will notice that this layout was what I had changed it to when I posted my goodbye almost a year ago. Yeah, well, I like this layout. I changed some shit around, again, but this is what I ended up with. I like the compact, pyscho feel of it all. Quick links up top to get you where most people go and shit. Wow. Look at it...... Man, I can't wait to hear all the shit! All I can say is, every single one of you had the chance to buy ForcedeXistence.com and none of ya did. Now I can fuck it up as I see fit..... 05/20/02 Summers Eve? Posted By T i l l m a n By the time I finished posting the 5-17-02 update Friday night I was drunk as fuck. Somewhere along the way I decided that I should walk to a bar that's about a half mile from here. I got there okay. I drank beers with some dude while we just talked about different places we'd been. I'm not sure how long I stayed there, but I was blacking out even before I got there. The walk home was weaving to say the least. And by then it was raining like hell. I vaguely remember a confrontation in my hall way with a couple of chicks, but when I woke up there was a Safe Way bag on my table that contained; 1 carton of Marlboro Menthol Ultra Lights 100's. 2 twin packs of Summers Eve. Some paper plates. A bottle of Dayquil (sp?) I tried to think back.. I don't know if I mugged them or what, I can't remember shit. I put the bag of goodies by the mail boxes, and it was gone a few hours later. I just know I'm going to walking out to my car one day and be attacked by a chick screaming "That's the guy!!"
05/17/02
I see no one found the FX KILL button today. I was tripping this morning though, when I woke up, logged on, FX was gone! I was like get the fuck out of here. Turns out, the whole fucking server was down. Pretty funny shit. I just knew someone pushed that mother fucker. Oh well, there's always tomorrow....? Ever since I said I was going to start posting my dreams I haven't dreamed shit. That or I can't remember them. I knew it was going to be like that. I mean fuck, you know I can't win for shit. Oh yeah... Speaking of winning, I totally forgot to tell you guys that I won a 52 inch TV last month. Isn't that insane? I was shocked! But, Satan is good like that. I don't know if anyone noticed that I signed up with Rape-Abused.com. Fuck, Dev, the Webmaster over there gave me a pass to check it out before I signed up, and goddamn it's some sick fucking shit. I loved it so much I signed up right then and there..... If you ever wanted to watch movies on chicks being raped, and I don't mean some Hollywood bullshit, I'm talking as close to real as fucking your co worker up the ass, then Rape-Abused.com is for you. You guys know me, I would never intentionally send you to something lame. Trust me on this one. If you want rape pics and movies, there's no better place on the net. And also, my all time favorite porn site ever HorrorSex.com is now, and will always be a sponsor of FX. There isn't any other place on the net where you'll see the shit you see there. I've been to thousands of porn places, and there's nothing better. Nun sex. Vampires. Alien rape. On and on. Why buy a membership to any ole regular porn site when you can experience the sickest porn out there at HorrorSex.com?!
I'm not done yet by no means. I just started drinking, and my only plan is to fuck around here at FX all night. Stop by later for something really sick..... And Gman, what are we talking about? Here's some sick pics to keep you busy.........
05/16/02
Anyways, now the email virus punks have started, and man, that's the stupidest thing... Like I'd ever just download some shit sent to me in a strangers email. Fuck! Even regs here will tell you, I don't even download shit they send me......... And even if I did, that wouldn't delete FX....?! So, emailing me a virus is totally the wrong way to attack me. If you're reading this, and have any common fucking sense you'd see that there's one way you could fuck me over big time, and there wouldn't be shit I could do about it..... Look around you! But, I know that this would require you to actually think, and fuck, you FX haters are not displaying a very good track record in that department. Therefore, to make it easy for you, I've hidden a little red button somewhere on one of the over 2,000 html pages here at FX. This button controls FX. It's power is nothing short of awesome. Once pushed FX, and every page, picture, script, and file will all be deleted. It's hidden very well, but if you look hard enough I'm sure you'll find it. For those of you who don't want FX deleted but want to find the button, knock yourself out, but whatever you do, don't push that mother fucker unless you want to flush it all. Happy hunting........
05/13/02
A few weeks ago I had the weirdest dream, and it's been plaguing my thoughts. I walked into a hotel room, right? And I could kinda see the bed from where I was standing. There was two people laying on the bed, I couldn't see their faces, just their ass. I could see a pair of female's hands working this huge dildo in what I thought was another girls pussy. I crept up to the door way, peeked in for a better view, and I'll be damned if it wasn't David Lee Roth taking the dildo up the ass! I stood there in shock, watching this huge latex penis disappear between Diamond Dave's ass cheeks, all the while he was making his trade mark Yooowwwweeee's and shit. I wanted to run away, but I couldn't.
I almost always remember my dreams. The detail is amazing to others when I talk about them. It's been like this for as long as I can remember. Sometimes (it seems) I dream about shit before it happens. I have to admit, this hasn't happened to me in a long time, but when it does happen, it's such a huge trip. My dreams also effect my perception of the world around me.... For instance, for those that don't know, I have a tremendous problem with poodles because of a dream I had almost 7 years ago. The short of it was I was being held at bay by a big ass white poodle, but was able to beat it to death with a cookie sheet. Once it lay dead, I took the corners of the cookie sheet and cut it's eyes out with great pleasure. Now, whenever I even see a picture of a poodle I feel uneasy... If I happen to see one walking around while I'm out and about, for get about it! I'll fucking freak. Real feelings, such as anger, fear take over, and I really can't be held responsible for my actions. (No shit!) My best friend, Muddy Mud Skipper and I were having the same dreams for almost 6 months and never knew it. One day I was explaining to him how satan had been chasing me down in my dreams.. I'd get so scared that I woke up, I thought, only to be chased more in the dream. Since I was "waking up" in my dream, my mind believed it was real... Or some shit.....
Towards the end of the dream, I came across this huge ass pipe organ, the kind you would find at church, right? So I sit down and start playing it. The thing starts coming off the ground.... The whole massive pipe organ starts flying! The faster I play, the higher and faster the things goes...... Amazing as it may sound, Muddy had been dreaming the same exact thing! Freaky. I was talking to a friend about the dreams I've been having lately, and she suggested I start writing them down. I've tried in the past to take the time to write them down, but I never really followed through. But it hit me, I can just slap'em up on FX. How cheesy is that? I'd say it's 3/4 cheese. But the "Who Is Tillman" people might dig it, and fuck, what else is there to talk about anyways........ I can't fucking believe I forgot to put my all time favorite pee pic in with all the other piss... Maybe it doesn't belong there anyways, huh? But just for you, here's the hottest pee you'll ever see.... Twins Pissing!
05/08/02
FYI - I'll be going on vacation Thursday through Monday, so nothing much is going to happen this weekend. You guys should set a time to meet up in chat Saturday, and just totally fucking raise some hell. Before I go for tonight, I'd like to thank all the people who responded to the latest edition of the FX news letter. It really means a lot to get feedback from you guys. If you're a reg and not on the list, you have no idea how much fun you're missing out on......
05/04/02
I just don't know what's going on with my life. I can't sit still, but there's nothing for me to do. I had all these ideas where I'd be by now, not that I'm doing bad, but I'm not even close to where I pictured myself. Money is easy, it truly doesn't make you happy. I could walk out my front door right now, buy some shit I don't need, feel good for a day, and then it's right back to day in day out. Kids suck ass, so that's not the answer. It's strange, but when everything is going along just fine, it seems you're missing out on the best part of life. Struggle builds more than character, it's the only thing I think we truly have now that lets us know were alive. Shit that has a beginning and a ending. Either we succeed or fail. Without feeling scared, real stress, or even pain, you really can't feel you're alive. The sad part is the times when the shit is so built up around us, we can't see it's what really makes up our lives, and defines who we are. All we see is the shit. I think about people who would blow themselves up for what they believe, and it seems like either I'm really missing something, or they are totally fucking lost. I know there is only about 2 things in this world I'd be willing to die for, so I guess there is only 2 things I'm living for..... Do you see things in your that way too? Have you ever really thought about it? I don't know if any of this makes sense to you , and if it did no one would say any fuck thing anyways, but there it is.........
Today's "Who is Tillman?" ..... In Early '97, I was walking out my apartment, headng off to band practice after putting in a long day at the tire mines when something really tripped out happened. As I opened the door to my truck I seen a huge as cloud of smoke behind my building. I could smell the shit too. I threw my bass into the truck and ran behind my building. When I turned the corner I seen that there was a apartment building on fire. The top floor in the middle where the stairs were was blazing. I don't just mean a little fire, I mean the shit was roasting. There was 3 or 4 people standing there just watching. I don't know what came over me, but suddenly I was running towards the fire, right up the stairs. I started banging on doors. One lady came to the door, she looked like she was in shock, (either from my big tattoo'd ass or the fire, who knows) I told her to get the fuck out of her apartment, the building was burning. I headed down stairs next, but there was no one else in there. When I was walking back to my truck the fire department was just arriving on the scene, but the whole building was pretty much gone by then. Someone told me to stick around cause I'd make it on the news, but I was running late to jam as it was.......
05/03/02
05/02/02
The answer for all the queer catholics out there that love kids prayers' were answered last month too.... How so? Because virtual child porn laws were over turned. All the church has to do is get every priest hooked up on a high-speed cable internet connection, buy'em a few memberships to some sick ass child porn sites... Problem solved! Someone tell'em god called by the way of the supreme court. Dirty mother fuckers. If everything that's going down doesn't wake people up to just how stupid it is to worship some invisible man via handing a third of your cash over to someone ass fucking your kids, they'll never get it. The sad part is, I'm sure many people are wasting time praying about this situation this very second..... Amen! Damn, I hate talking about god, even when it's bad news for the church. But as long as we're on the subject, let's re-visit some of the sites posted here before that either bash/discredit the church, or make fun of these lost souls. Landover Baptist has been around forever, and of course has their own sick spin on the whole catholic situation. "Catamus was the first Catholic priest, who didn't even wait until the rock of Lord Jesus' tomb was rolled back to get a young boy spread eagle on a altar; a practice that resulted in the early church adopting the name altar boy." Yeah, I think you'll like it... Something else that I found and posted way back, The New Fucken Bible. I would have bet my right nut that his site would be deleted by now, but it turns out it's still going strong. Nice shot Dan.
FYI - I went through all the past updates and removed all the codes except for the rants. I figure that'll save a lot of space/bandwidth in the long run. I hated to remove the side bar, because I wanted to keep it as it was, but I guess it's for the best. It accured to me too that by taking out the huge ass table that houses the shit you're reading right now will bring many people to FX via search engines. (The table prevents robots from indexing my rants in seach engines.) Which might sound like a good thing, but I'm warning all the regs here that by me doing this, it's just like opening the front door for morons and dipshits to come marching through here..... We'll see. Maybe this will turn out to be a fun thing? As for the past updates, I took the time to go through many of the pages as I was changing them, god damn there's so much shit in there huh? I wish I still had all the graphics that went with the shit, but I guess the rants are better than nothing. Some of the shit that's there is so cool (to me) and other shit makes me want to hide under my desk. I'm going to "re-post" some things from time to time that I really think need to be said..... Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks to all that have been with me through this crazy ass ride. I hope to be here for years to come.
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Memorial Day Weekend. For some of us, all holidays are just a excuse to sit home and drink some beer. No matter how much I used to tell myself to give a fuck about Easter, X-Mas, The 4th, or whatever, I just don't give a fuck. It means nothing to me at all. Yeah, maybe when I was a little kid. I'd be all hyped up for X-Mas, or the big one, Halloween, but now I feel nothing. Honor the dead? "Sound of beer popping open" Here's to ya! If you really want to honor the dead, then you have to go check out the newest FX comrade, 
Oh man, coming back from vacation is so bitter sweet. On one hand I was ready to come home, but fuck I could have sat out there on that beach for another week. The problem with that though is the fact that I was so fucking white went I got there, I don't just mean regular ole white boy white, I mean haven't been in the sun for 6 months white. The first day I was at the beach, I stripped down to just my swimming trucks and the sun reflecting off my huge white beer belly caused everyone within 100 feet of me to be burnt to a crisp. I must have blinded at least another 20 people. The local news reported a rare beach super nova for all the commotion. Anyways, it's nice to be here, alone with you, just talking shit.
I was so happy today when I got home and found out that they had caught the person that was putting pipe bombs in mail boxes. Not happy that their rein of terror was over really, just happy that I was going to get to see who it was, and check out maybe if they were on my mailing list. Well, maybe, maybe not. Everyone out there hit the net today looking for Luke's web site a soon as it was revealed there was one. Of course angelfire, being the lame dipshits they are, pulled the site down right away. That or the total rush of thousands of people trying to get there at once killed their server. But I'm here to tell you loyal FX followers, I have the site. Not only that, the guestbook, and I have the bands MP3's too! Pictures? You can bet your ass. The site is pretty shittie, your basic homepage... Not very well laid out, the whole nine yards.... Also not all the links/pics work, it's pretty much everything I could gather up before they closed the door on my ass.... Just for you, here is Luke The Pipe Bomber's Page for his band 
What is it that moves you? I know, I've seen the whole world pass me by before too, but there's has got to be something that reaches out and just grabs you by the throat, pushing you right over the edge. For me, the thing that gets me going in day to day live is morrons in traffic. But I'm talking about more than just being angry. We all have something inside us that is just our total passion. For some it may be sex, twisted sex, or just plain-jane shit. Others get off on looking at gore I guess, my site and many others are proof of that. But again, I mean something way deeper. What is it that makes you get up in the morning and head off to work. Keeps you going on a daily basis? Is it for the far and in between times that we are happy, the moments that we look back on years later and still have good feelings about? As we get older those moments seem to come less and less as the years go by. When you get old, I guess something as simple as taking a nice big shit is reason to feel good. There's got to be something more.
The whole church/god fearing community is falling apart right now. On the other side of the world people are killing each other over the beliefs, and have managed to draw the US into a fucking holy war.
I'm loving this shit. I told you guys that every year is just going to get worse and worse. Society is in the fast lane of complete chaos, and they're all such sheep... People sit at their desk pretending that the whole world isn't about to come unglued. Many of you reading this are the exception. Not only are your eyes are open, your mind is too as well. You know what's going on, and why. But now, on top of the holy war you got gay priest fucking kids. When they get busted, the only thing that happens is they're moved to another church and getting to fuck different kids. How the hell could they think that was punishment? We all want a new lover every now and then right? I'm sure queer priest has total faith in god when he learns he's getting shipped to another group of kids for getting caught. The papers reported that 50% of priest are gay? That statement alone tells you something is wrong with the whole fucking scene. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned..... I lust after my neighbors wife in my heart." And the priest is in his side of the box getting his cock sucked by the "sinners" kid! This isn't something new by any means. This shit has been going on for many, many years. I think we're just now hearing about this because someone out there is trying to destroy all people's faith while the holy war is fresh on people's minds. Got to love it. |
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