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HOW WiLL WE FiLL THESE EMPTY SPACES
Posted by
Tillman
12-18-04 - 4:08 PM PST
I can remember tripping my ass off on at least 3 hits of premo acid, holding up a Pepsi can and explaining to a room full of people that the Pepsi can I was holding in my hand represented thier log cabin in the mountains that they'll never be able to have just because of that one little can. Everyone sat there, completely fixed on me, listening to my every word as if god himself was speaking through me trying to wake up their lost souls to a brutal truth.
I can remember drinking myself into a total blacked out coma riding around Chicago on a sunny day in December, then demanding that before I pass out to be dosed with yet again 3 hits of acid. Only to wake up a few hours later completely tripping my ass off... So much so I grabbed a machette and cleared my apartment. I more or less crawled to my TV so see that they was watching Alice In Woderland. My girlfriend at the time came to me, said nothing, but put her arms around me, trying to understand. I pointed to the TV and said why are going there again.
Going to the Greatful Dead just to score a sheet of acid, wound up damn near naked and dancing in the parking lot because someone sprayed me with pure LSD. Headed out to where the car was and laid down on an empty spot and prayed because it was gone. Spikey Tim was so fucking high he actually joined them. Gave up a chance to play pro baseball because he was so fucking high.
Cook driving to the Rosemont drunk as fuck to pick us up. He drove so fast that night I swear to fuck I aged about 3 years in 30 minutes. Same night I lay in bed fucking while tripping. Fucking my girl like we was one being melting together, all the while laughing and talking about the 500 hits of acid we had in the freezer when in fact there was only 50. Eating breakfast at a diner in Roselle, god damn that OJ was so fucking good, the eggs were like a gift from heaven. Everything tasted so good I can still taste the entire meal. And yes, I had a Pepsi instead of coffee.
Steve E Dee riding in the backseat of the Escort screaming "Drive way, drive way!", as we searched for god knows how long for a place to turn around. Laughing so hard tears flowed from my eyes, looking in the back seat seeing my best friend crying from laughing too. Slamming on the breaks to launch him over the front seat head first into the front seat floor board, finally given up driving because we couldn't even walk from laughing.
Stealing the satanic bible from a mall bookstore. Steve picked it up, handed it off to me, I handed it off to him, we head toward the back of the store, he said here, I took it, tried to slip it into the pocket of my fatigue jacket. I remember telling him, "It won't fit, it won't f....", then it sliding into my pocket like Satan himself wanted us to have it.
God damn I miss being young. I miss all the people, I miss just not giving a fuck enough to just do whatever the fuck I wanted without having to worry about what could happen. Call it stupidity, but to me it was pure fucking bliss. There's nothing like living your life from day to day with people you care about with no worries of the what if's, or the maybe's. Complete freedom. I'd just like to shout out a huge ass fuck you to any and everyone that ever told me I had to grow up.
Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE
SLiPKNOT - YES I'LL TAKE ONE JUST TiE iT ON AND LET ME KILL MYSELF NOW
Posted by
Tillman
12-16-04 - 8:04 PM PST
I got to get this out of me.... The new Slipknot CD 'Slipknot - Vol.3 (The Subliminal Verses)' is such a piece of shit. It sucks so fucking bad it almost makes me hate their previous CD's. I should end my review with that, but I just have to say it again one more time, it totally fucking sucks. I can't believe they even released this shit. When Iowa came out, it was a pretty damn good CD. But the newest one makes me want to trash anything Slipknot I have. It's like after getting picked up out of the cornfields that made them so pissed, suddenly they think they can make real music or some shit. AcK! Please. They've had one too many meetings with their accountant or looking for nannys instead of doing what bands do: Get a few cases of beer and just jam out some new tunes over a few weeks/months with new and old ideas. It appears Slipknot was busy checking their stock options when they should have been jamin or busy finding new ways to almost OD. Of course, that's just my opinion.
However, one name at the helm of 'the producer' should clue anyone in that this CD is going to have some (or major) problems: Rick Ruben. Why in the fuck does these bands that crawl up out of the depths of hell, create their own style of music, build a massive fan base, get rich, then decide they need Rick fucking Ruben to step in and produce them? Rick, you did some good shit in the past, there's no denying you that, but please for the love of everything purely pissed off, the next time a label or band that approaches you that indeed came up out of nowhere, please, motherfucking please don't take up the project. I know, you're just trying to make your money. But these metal heads are a little brain dead from all the drugs and alcohol, and that's why so many people all over the world love their music. Because it's pure, pissed, and unmolested by any real source outside the core of the band is why people dig it.
Like my mother always told me Rick, you can't polish a turd. Remember that you greedy fucker.
I was close to posting a few of Slipknots new songs here for you guys to check out, instead here's a link to amazon that has some clips. And no, if you order I don't get paid, Slipknot and Rick Ruben would, because it's their ID info. Amazon Slipknot Sound Clips
Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE
DIMEBAG KILLER AND FX INFO
Posted by
Tillman
12-11-04 - 7:39 PM PST
I'd like to say a few words for DimeBag. I'd seen him a few times while I was in Nashville, TN, his father owned a recording studio there, and Pantera used to play all the clubs while I was still working the bouncer scene there. Truth though, I never met DimeBag untill 2001 at Slip Knot/ System of a Down show in Dallas in 2001. Pantera was sitting in the sound man section right next to where I was standing. I just so happen to take my eye off the show to see Vinne in the darkness, and then seen Dimebag. Not to make an ass of myself I just held my hand out and said, "Yo fuckers, it's Tillman from Nashville, TN. They shook my hand pretending to remember me... I knew they didn't remember me, but they still shook my hand like they knew me, which was cool.
It's beyond bullshit that someone would run on stage and kill DimeBag.... I really believe that someone paid Nathan Gale to run on stage and kill DimeBag and Vinnie. Phil Anselmo has a total chemical imbalance. He had been talking shit to Dimebag and Vinnie for years, and I think that Phil had had enough and paid to have Dimebag killed. Phil Anselmo has been hooked on heroine the last 4 or 5 years according to the core members of Pantera. Maybe all my info is wrong, I'd love it if Phil emailed me and set the record straight. But I don't think tha'll happen.
I posted a few days ago that FX was on it's last leg because of the amount of traffic flowing the last few months, but just last week, the day after I said that my server raised the bandwidth again... Went from double to triple. As of right now FX has about 192 gigs of bandwidth a month, a number that we've yet to even get close to. (125 gigs in a month was the record) So this changes everything. What does this mean to you the reader? Well, I'd still love to hear from you, have you post on the forums, and send in your opinions.
But all in all it's awesome because I can just keep right on doing what I always do here, talk shit to the world. So, Fuck you! Keep your money! Post on the forums, look at every gore pic, listen to all the mp3's I post. Happy days are here again. Suck these nipples you bandwidth suckers! I'll be back in a few days to set shit right. I've got new domain names, new gore, new everything..... Suck it bitch.
Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE
COWBOY FROM HELL
Posted by
Tillman
12-09-04 - 7:39 PM PST

Cowboys From Hell
Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE
TAKE OUR BULLSHiT SYSTEM AND OUR CAPiTALiST HOLiDAY OR DiE
Posted by
Tillman
12-07-04 - 8:30 PM PST
In an attempt to smooth relations with angry Jihad Muslims (File photo left) all over the world, the Pentagon released a plan intitled Santa Claws today. With growing hatred of the US all over the world, the Pentagon has decided that all missiles launched at any number of targets the US is bombing in the month of December will be delivered in what appears to be a giant Santa Sleigh. The hope is that when children from other towns not yet being bombed or invaded yet will recognize our resolve to not only blow them up, but to bring our corrupt beliefs in a holiday aimed at spending money in the name of a god that most Americans don't whorship.
There was also mention that the 150,000 US personel on the ground in Iraq will be removing their camo for a happier, more season appropriate attire. Bluntly put, it was announced that all troops on the ground in Iraq will be dressing up as Elves, aka Santa's Little Helpers..... Holy shit. Umm, this isn't real, it was my last thoughts before I fell asleep last night.
Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE
FX IS BEiNG BENT OVER LiKE A FAT GiRL AFTER SCHOOL
Posted by
Tillman
12-02-04 - 8:50 PM PST
November was an extremely busy month for FX. So much so that I went over my bandwidth limit around the 21st. Ouch! I'm willing to stick it out and see if things pick up in the people participating department before I start giving the 2 month warning that this sick fucker is coming down (yet again). I don't mind blowing money on this project if people are involved, because without you guys this is more or less a huge ass waste of time and money.
With that being said, if you do want to contribute to hosting costs, email me, and I'll set the donate page back up. (I took it down because after 6 months not one person contributed.) If you don't want to give money to my host, but prefer to buy some porn to help out, there's plenty of porn options to the left of this rant. Those of you that can't give anything, don't feel bad, just help out by getting involved by sending your sick, gore, weird pics. Join the forum and cause havoc. Email me your thoughts, ideas, opinions etc. That would all be awesome too. Things are just now starting to click, takes longer every time it seems. Like I've always said, Don't Just Sit There, Be Part of the Sickness!
A few more things pretaining to FX... With the gore pictures in categories now, I'm planning on updating new ones once, maybe twice a month. The new pics from that month will have this image beside them. This of course is to help returning people from going through all the gore pictures looking for the new ones posted. I can't promise, but with a little help from you guys sending in ones I don't have, I should be able to keep adding loads of new gore pics every month.
Keep a look out for new gore pics to go up over this weekend!
Lastly, the FX counter. I don't know if you guys know this or not, but the way my server is set up it only counts your IP one time. You can delete cookies, buy a new PC, whatever. If you surf to FX it counts you by your IP, and will never count that IP again. With that being said, FX is about to hit the 1 Millionth Unique Visitor!
I always said I'd take the counter down after number one million surfed in... I don't know now though..... But anyways, I was thinking about this and I'd like to have some sort of contest. There's no way I could prove who the one millionth person was, but keep your eyes open for a contest. Or if you have any ideals as to what I should do, please post your opinion on the forum.
Someone said I should post a positive email, and this was the latest one! Thanks Blood!
READER MAIL
Subject: You Fucking Genius
To: Tillman@ForcdeXistence.com
From: bloodthirsty00@hotmail.com
Hey...
I was readin all ur shit in ur website..and damn man..Your a brilliant
genius...everything you said i was like "Hell yea i ain't alone"..It blew me the
fuck away...hah..You got any instant messaging shit..like msn? cuz damn i could talk
to you for hours...if you lived anywhere round here i'd be like " Hey you fucker
lets go party" ....You probably get this shit a lot..But you deserve it..I'd just
like to rip your head open and read everything goin on in there like a damn book..
But uh...haha 24 oz. of Nyquil??? That DXM must have had you trippin hard...Try
dexalone..Its pimp shit.
And last, but certainly not least... darkalfars@ntlworld.com asked for hairy tit porn a few months ago, one of the hardcore FX readers (prayer) was able to get a few pics for us, which was awesome, but someone sent in some more pics. Here ya go! Hairy tit porn! I thought about emailing Dark and telling him I was wrong.... But nah, fuck it! Sorry Dark. Enjoy them hairy tits you freak.
Hairy Tits #01
Hairy Tits #02
Hairy Tits #03
Hairy Tits #04
Hairy Tits #05
Hairy Tits #06
Hairy Tits #07
Hairy Tits #08
Hairy Tits #09
Hairy Tits #10
Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE
WAR iNSiDE MY HEAD
Posted by
Tillman
11-24-04 - 8:30 PM PST
That little voice deep down inside me that helps me with right and wrong has developed Acute Extreme Turret Syndrome. Look it up...
Damn.
I was sitting in my car on my lunch break today and that thought popped into my mind. I tried to think of another, and all I could think of was..... I do march to the beat of a different drummer, but he has a nervous twitch. I guess it seems pretty stupid now, but at the time I was laughing my ass off about that shit. This all started because of where I'm working now here in Seattle. Not that I've ever really fit in, but most times people understand my humor. I've made a few life long friends and all that shit at places I've worked, but where I am now it's like I've landed here from another planet. I think the whole problem is the people in my office don't have enough drug experience to understand what I'm talking about, when I'm joking, or when I'm being serious. (Just like people around here, and all of my life) Some chick that sits right behind me (4 ft away) had a problem with one of my accounts and instead of turning around and asking me she sent me email. I like to think of my job as a sport, and I attack what I'm doing like one of the 3 in the picture to your right.
Most of the people that hang around here know exactly what I'm trying to say, because most have said the same exact thing to me in their own way while in chat hell, email, or on the forums. To me, it's almost like I graduated or some shit. I tried so hard to push away all the people that I could give a fuckless about, and now I'm so good at it I don't have to try to blow off people, I just do it. Just being me weeds out most of the people that I have nothing in common with and will more then likely have never even took a second look at if I wasn't forced to be with them for 8 hours a day. I thought there was some sort of problem with me after taking a break from society the last 3 years but I know now I've mastered being myself to the point of it shocked me.. Fucking nice.
On the other hand, I was sick, maybe it was the 24 ounces of Nyquil I was sucking down a day.
I had the most fucked up dream last night, it was awesome.... I was driving around LA and stopped to pick this hitch hiker up because he looked like Charles Manson, and it turned out it was Chuck! He was all bummed and shit because he was homeless, that people in LA didn't give a shit about him because he killed an actress, or so he explained to me that, and many other reasons he was still on the street after being out of prison for a few years. I explained to him on the east coast he was a fucking God and talked him into traveling cross country with me...... Convincing Manson to go with me took hours, we sat beside the railroad tracks were he was living, and while I was trying to gain his trust we listened to music. In my dream one of his favorites CD's was Guns & Roses Appetite For Destruction. We talked about how the music was right on, but how much Axel Rose sucked ass with his whining lyrics. After a few hours of music debates Manson said he'd travel with me to the east coast. And I'm ashamed to say, but at this point Manson hugged, and yes, I hugged him back.... He said to me in my dream while we was huggin' "That's nice". It freaked me out but then the next part of the dream was already inprogress......
Some girl I used to work with popped into my dream and she was talking about this vodka she found that was 151 proof. After much discussion we ended up at this place. I was trying to buy a bottle for me and Chuck, and before I could get to the front of the line Manson ran out of the store with a lot of booze. It got more fucked up from there. It was like everywhere I took him he'd go apeshit and rob, steal, or kill people just because he could... When I finally confronted him about all this he flipped out and wanted to kill me. I was driving out into the night, trying to flee from Manson, but he would always get miles ahead of me something like the twilight zone.
Weird dream, yes. I loved it though. Hanging out with Charles Manson. Yeah.........
Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE
LESSONS LEARNED - IS THiS UPDATE NECESSARY
Posted by
Tillman
11-20-04 - 6:30 PM PST
I don't know, it's one thing to promise a safer United States, but to promise a safer world...... You better pull that rabbit out of your ass because it would seem that 1 minute at yahoo shows the whole fucking world has lost it's mind! Blah, I'm so fucking sick of hearing about democratic or repulican choices for president. I know it's too late now for the next four years, but god damn you people out there reading this has got to wake up and make a fucking change. These ultra rich bastards are ruling our country, and it appears that they're trying to take over the whole fucking world. I say appear, look at the facts, do you think they are? It's time to get these people out of power. The constitution states some shit like if the government is out of control and starts taking away our rights, or getting power hungry that "we the people" can crush the government and replace it with what we wish.People that voted to remove Bush wasted their time in 2004. The very system to name the president was under government control. Bush was a better choice than Gore in 2000, but no one ever thought Bush would pull all of this! Stuck with the lil' monkey Bush is, we all have to think about the next election if we live that long. The democrats are already screaming to have Hilary run, blah! If you think the wife of some redneck president that's biggest moment was cumming on some cunt's face while a cigar hung out of her cunt is the answer to this countries problems then please die now. Just because your husband was president means you can too? I don't think so!
I don't think America is all wrong.... There's many problems here, but for the most part this is the greatest place on earth to live and reproduce. Saying that, I go back to rant I had over 8 years ago because those in power are perverting our existence.... Don't repeat the past. Don't let false idols rule us. The great thing about being me is, I don't give a fuck. Right, wrong, I don't care. I hate you all the same no matter what. Seeing you suffer makes me smile. Another thing that makes me smile is watching shit like this.... Asian people are already flooding to be the first inline at Yasser Arafat's grave.
I could post many news stories from here, and it would apear both sides say put down your weapons and just come party with "us"..... I'm here to say invite me, a neutral person to soak it all in............. Tillman@ForcedeXistence.com
Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE
NEW CAR SMELL = NEW DEATH SENSATiON
Posted by
Tillman
11-18-04 - 9:30 PM PST
The first time I ever heard the term "comfort zone" was in a book about serial killers that was written at least 20 years ago. The comfort zone is where the killer of course feels comfortable enough to take his victims to kill them. Not all killers have a comfort zone, as in an area, but most have a comfort situation that doubles as a comfort zone. As society progresses it's apparent that every day people have these comfort zones as well. That special place where you think you're untouchable. The place you can do whatever the fuck you want to anyone around you and feel absolutely no fear of any retaliation. The one place in this world where you are a fucking GOD and the rest of us must bow down and behave and respond exactly how you think we should or face your fury. The scary thing is that most every person reading this right now has the key to this magical place I speak of, a car.
Yup, a fucking car. Millions of people get behind the wheel of their car every day and something, some strange chemical reaction to driving transforms every day ordinary people into some sort of super hero able to crush all that stand (or drive I guess) in their way. I've seen 400 lb mom's with a full mini van full of kids give the finger to people for driving too slow for them. Computer nerds turn into Batman or some shit once they get behind the wheel of their $50,000 sports car, yelling and screaming at people that could crush them in no time flat. People that drive for a living, no matter what kind of deliveries think that they own the fucking road and the rest of us are just their to make their day interesting or some shit. Fuck that!
I've had enough. I'm going to make a stand. No more is some fat ass whore going to flip me off in traffic and it not go unpunished. No longer will
some little bastard cut me off without me confronting them. I'm done with you mother fuckers. I sit in traffic these days I listen to death metal music, and it's telling me to kill you. It's telling me to follow you home, park on your lawn, and rip your fucking inards out and rub them all over my body as a watch your house and your car burn to the fucking ground. But I'm not stupid. So I came up with a plan to help the entire population deal with retard drivers. A new type of serial killer. The road rage serial killer.
Dancing around someone's front yard with their heart as a hat may please you until the police show up, but writing down their tag number and finding out where they live and going back later to kill them to make it look all random is such a better plan. And the great thing is, if people everywhere that read this start doing it, then the chances of anyone getting caught are very slim. (Except me, because I'm posting this shit on the WWW) But the most awesome part of all this is, once the bodies start showing up we can watch the news reports with family members talking about how much of a shitty driver these people were! Ok, if all this is too much for you guys, at least go back and take a shit on their car. A serial shitter would rock too....... Poop on!
Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE
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