FORCEDEXISTENCE.COM SICK SHIT YOUR EVIL SOUL CRAVES

EATING IT'S WAY FROM THE INSIDE OUT - I'M SO EMPTY
Posted by Tillman 01-31-05 - 8:52 PM PST

I'm not the same person I was even a year ago. I come here to rant and there's just nothing. When I'm out and about with people now, I'm known as the quiet one. Which if you knew me even two years ago, I was anything but quiet. I'm tired. Everything sucks. The internet. Sleeping. Games. Being alone. Being with friends. Only thing that moves me is drinking. So that's what I do. Daily.
The mood I'm in I'm sick of music. I'm so sick of songs yelling at me. It's like "You're pissed? So am I, shut the fuck up!" I sit and stare the clouds, watching the days drift by and know the whole world is passing me by. I think about all the things I've seen and done, remember the smallest most bizarre things, I think about all the death and mayhem in this world. People dying for things I don't give one fuck about. All the times I was so close to being plucked off this fucker.
Everything I think I am or wanted to be is nothing now, just a shell of a man. It's not that I don't care anymore, it's like I've evolved past it. I'm at a point where I'm one with knowing it's almost my time to go. Will this pass like everything else? Maybe. Only time will tell. I'm in no hurry for another change. Live for today is a road that never ends. Or so I was told.
My life has been a series of stages that's coming to an end, and there's nothing in my life I would change. It's been one hell of a fucking ride. From the insane and brutal childhood, to the hell rasing teen years that lasted well in my early 20's, to my attempt at being some sort of a family man, to hitting the road with a band and living many of my sickest fanties. The person that was me back then had so much energy, I couldn't just sit still, always creating shit, big huge ass schemes to play jokes on friends, writing music, painting, just hanging out with people doing whatever the fuck we thought of that sounded fun at the moment.
Now I sit here in the dark room, all alone drinking, watching the Xmas lights blink on and off endlessly. All the fun, the hope, the life is gone. Some much weird stupid shit happens to me it's unreal. When I was younger I knew it was so, but at the time I didn't see all the good shit that came with it. Now it's just the bad. Good luck flew away a long ass time ago. Some times when I'm really wasted I come here to FX and look at the gore pics, I stare at the faces, and part of me thinks the reason all the good is gone is because I have trapped these people in the pics in their momment of release by posting their pics here.
I've always been considered a bit of a weird fucker, and I'm sure this post is just going to add fuel to the fire, but as always here at FX I try and be comepletely honest with my readers. So, that (what I spewed) and many other things is the reason there's been a lack pf ranting as of late. The government is corrupt. If you just figured that out, welcome to planet earth. The music scene has gone to comeplete shit. The net is one fucking boring page after another. People in general seem to have entered some sort of hibernation state. And I'm one of them. Pour me 2 doubles, and keep your fucking mouth shut... Thank you.

Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE

QUiCK NOTE - GORE PIC UPDATE
Posted by Tillman 01-24-05 - 9:40 PM PST

I'm having a shit day. Imagine that?! Anyways, I'm in the middle of some serious hardcore ranting, but incase I pass out before I'm finished, I just wanted to let you guys know I added about 40 new gore pics tonight. They're not marked with the lil new tag this time around, but after tonights 1 hour bout to post 40 pics I think I finally have a system that will work for me that's fast and easy. So, until the next batch of gore pics..... Start clicking fucker.
Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE

FUCK WORK AND FUCK GANGSTA WHiTEY
Posted by Tillman 01-21-05 - 2:20 PM PST

I hate people so much. I started working again recently, and the last week has been hell for me because I must spend so many hours in a room full of people that suck total ass. People always ask after the fact why would he go on a killing spree, let me tell you why.... No one wants to sit in an office and smell your perfume for 8 plus hours. No one gives a fuck about your kids or what the fuck they did or said last night. No one cares that your older kids got good grades on their report card. No one cares that your kids are doing good in sports. If you've mentioned any of the previous to anyone of your co workers ever let me say for them, and all of us, FUCK YOU & YOUR KIDS!
If I'm just standing there, all alone on my break smoking, minding my own business, it doesn't mean I'm lonely. It means I want to be left the fuck alone. I don't need to stand around and talk about the weather with dipshits in order to feel good about myself, so go the fuck away. You think the color of my shirt is cool? Great, thanks! It's not like I took the weekend to invent a new fucking color. I bought the fucking shirt. I don't give a fuck if you like it or not. If I could wish you hated it so much it made you go insane and rip your eyes out and eat them I would. Yes, I'm having a great day, I'm not stripped naked sling'n my shit at people in the breakroom. Right?
Whenever I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing, coming to me and saying, "Tillman, you better watch it, you're going to get in trouble!".... Trouble? What the fuck am I, 12? I'm a grown man. If you think having to explain yourself to another adult is "in trouble" you need to wake the fuck up and remember this is just a fucking job. They pay us to come here because it sucks. If it was a good time, we'd be doing it for free. And there's no possible way, even if I got fired would I consider that 'in trouble'.... So thank you very much, welcome to the real world, and piss off.
And the trend seems to be to "out do" other people around you. I actually heard to younger guys debate how to spend time in jail. I guess the surpreme liar, or king of the bull shitters said he did 6 months in jail. Maybe he did, I don't know, but listening to all the other people in the office, they tried to out do each other with jail stories etc. Then it went to growing up on the street, to people they've 'whacked'..... AcK! I just wanted to fucking puke because it's plain as day that the worst day these little cocksuckers have ever been through was the day that the cappuccino machine in their parents house broke down. Again, maybe I'm wrong but it's hard to believe them when the most important thing to them now is how their hair looks.
I don't know, maybe it is just me, but when a 100 pound kid with 2 pounds of hair gell talks about how much respect he got "in the pen" it makes my skin crawl. I put some of this blame on the music that these kids listen to... rap. Think about it, these rich white kids with everything in the world handed to them, how do you rebel from that? Act black and poor! Living on the streets, gang bang'n, slinging dope.... lmao. Oh my god..... Not that white people can't or don't live on the street or deal, but the last place you'd find a 'real' white/black/yellow/or even green dope dealing gangsta is standing in line at the time clock on Monday morning in a fucking office building! I wish I wasn't so high strung so I could always just laugh at these people when they start into their bullshit. Yeah, most times I do, but some times I just want to pull out my 'gat' and 'cap their ass'........ Or something.

I'd like to ask anyone that's reading this that knows any 'white gangsters' to please show them FX, show them this update so that maybe they'll get their shit together. Because if you're white, you're not a gangsta. You're a white kid that's lost. You're a white kid that's soon to be taking it up the ass from a real gangsta. Yes, real big ole black man gangsta. White gansta's are make believe. Eminem is a tool, a product made by real black people to scam white kids into thinking it's possible to be gangsta to sell records. Think I'm full fo shit? Take your white ass to the worst part of town and try and rap your way out of there. Guess what Whitey, it ain't going to happen.
Let me give all the 'lil homies' reading this some advice, give up the black act. You're not black. If you like rap music, great fine, there ain't anything wrong with that. But respect yourself, your culture, and yourself no matter who tells you it's wrong. Find yourself. Be yourself. Not what MTV, or Pimp Daddy wants you to be, be you. If people around you don't like you for you, fuck'em. There's 6 billion people on this planet, take the time to seek others like you if you need to, but don't just "sheep up" (you heard it here first, write it down) because you're weak. In the end, being true to you is what it's all about.

Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE

i THiNK iM A NORMAL PERSON, BUT THEN i REMEMBER
Posted by Tillman 01-19-05 - 9:01 PM PST

The other day I took my car to get the oil changed. I was a bit weirded out, but to pass the time I stood and stared the car products they had to inhance your vehical visually or to improve the smell. I stared at the little car air fresheners and thought to myseld, "Wow, I'm 34 years old, I've owned many cars but I've never once owned one of these lil hang on the rearview mirror car air freshen' things in my life. For a second, I felt like I might be missing something, but then they called my name out to come get my car.
With the oil change came a free car wash. Holy fuck, there should be warnings on the ones were you sit in your car and ride through. There was a few times I was seriously thinking about either trying to drive out of there, or get out on foot and run like hell. Anyways, a few days later after all this shit went down, I was gathering up my coat, cell phone etc from my car, and I'll be damned if there wasn't one of the lil'rear view mirror air fresheners laying right there on my front seat!
Not remembering buying one, it not being on the reciept, I knew I must have took it, but I had no memorey of stealing it. Driving home after that night, days after getting my oil changed I started thinking about other things that had been going on were I think about shit, and the next thing you know there's proof of me doing it. I thought to myself, well, if I'm doing random stuff I can't remember, there's got to be information in my bank account that will back it up, right?
Holy fuck people, I'm living 2 lives! I shit you not. I always kinda thought I was, but for the first time I can see it. I know it's crazy, and honestly I'm happy to know about it even though I don't know what to do at this point. People tell you things you've done said etc. Then you see something you've done but can't recall, and everything explodes into insanity. I guess the real truth is there's 3 lives, because of my drinking... Wow. I'm speechless.

Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE

SURE AS THE STARS ARE iN THE SKY (RE-POST)
Posted by Tillman 01-13-05 - 9:33 PM PST

What is it that moves you? I know, I've seen the whole world pass me by before too, but there's has got to be something that reaches out and just grabs you by the throat, pushing you right over the edge. For me, the thing that gets me going in day to day live is morrons in traffic. But I'm talking about more than just being angry. We all have something inside us that is just our total passion. For some it may be sex, twisted sex, or just plain-jane shit. Others get off on looking at gore I guess, my site and many others are proof of that. But again, I mean something way deeper.
What is it that makes you get up in the morning and head off to work. Keeps you going on a daily basis? Is it for the far and in between times that we are happy, the moments that we look back on years later and still have good feelings about? As we get older those moments seem to come less and less as the years go by. When you get old, I guess something as simple as taking a nice big shit is reason to feel good. There's got to be something more.
I just don't know what's going on with my life. I can't sit still, but there's nothing for me to do. I had all these ideas where I'd be by now, not that I'm doing bad, but I'm not even close to where I pictured myself. Money is easy, it truly doesn't make you happy. I could walk out my front door right now, buy some shit I don't need, feel good for a day, and then it's right back to day in day out. Kids suck ass, so that's not the answer. It's strange, but when everything is going along just fine, it seems you're missing out on the best part of life.
Struggle builds more than character, it's the only thing I think we truly have now that lets us know were alive. Shit that has a beginning and a ending. Either we succeed or fail. Without feeling scared, real stress, or even pain, you really can't feel you're alive. The sad part is the times when the shit is so built up around us, we can't see it's what really makes up our lives, and defines who we are. All we see is the shit. We fail to understand that what's happening to us right then is defining who we really are... (I think about people who would blow themselves up for what they believe, and it seems like either I'm really missing something, or they are totally fucking lost.)
I know there is only about 2 things in this world I'd be willing to die for, so I guess there is only 2 things I'm living for..... Do you see things in your life that way too? So black and white without thinking about it? Have you ever really thought about it? I don't know if any of this makes sense to you , and if it did no one would say any fuck thing anyways, but there it is...

Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE

NO 100 DOLLAR BiLLS (RE-POST)
Posted by Tillman 01-08-05 - 8:33 PM PST

I stood there completely pissed. Clutching the sawed off shotgun, pointed right at the old man's head. The blood was pouring out of his shoulder now. I stare at this piece of shit that pushed me over the edge. Who the fuck did he think he was talking to me like that! The last thing I need is another reason. My mind is slipping in and out of reality. I closed my eyes, almost wishing none of this was happening. I try to think back to 10 minutes ago. How everything came this far.
For one brief second I was four years old again, my father has me standing against the kitchen wall and he's throwing knifes at me like they do at the circus. Except my father is blacked out drunk, and these knifes are real. I can still hear him telling me if I cry he'll just go ahead and slit my throat.
My eyes pop open to the mayhem I've caused. Oh fuck!
Someone from the back of the store makes a run for the door and I pull the trigger blowing the shop keepers head into modern art. His face grossly stretched, peeled back from his neck. The runner trips and falls down. Laying there like she's dead, or like I won't see her. I asked her what her name is before I shot her. Funny, you'd think I'd remember her name but I don't. I stood up, slowly making my way down the isles of the truck stop. No one else to kill.
Fuck! I just wanted to buy some fucking gas.

EXIT 666 (RE-POST)
Posted by Tillman 01-08-05 - 8:33 PM PST

I pulled up to the entrance to my condos today and there was a huge pile of someone's life set along side the highway. Along with all the shit, there was at least 20 people ransacking through clothes, furniture, books, everything that we all would consider "our shit". The place I live is one of the nicer places around here to stay, it's not high class or whatever, I'm only one of about 20 people who rent, everyone else is buying there condo. I will have been here two years this summer, and this is the first time I've ever seen this happen here. Most of the people who stay here are either retired, air force pilots, or 40 something professionals. What am I doing here? I often ask myself that question too.
I've seen shit like this happen before elsewhere and really never gave it much thought, I mean you can't pay your rent get the fuck out, that's the way it should be. However, this time I looked at everything in a completely different way. First I thought about if that was my shit out there and I rolled up from work and seen all those people going through my shit you better mother fucking believe there would be some people dying for that shit. I don't care if I was late with the rent or not. I started thinking about all the little things I own that have absolutely no meaning to anyone else in the world but me, yet someone would chuck it in their trunk and drive off feeling good about themselves because they got something for free. I'm sure those people judged who ever used to own that shit by what was out there too, even though they have no idea what was really important to who owned all that shit and what was not. It all means nothing, except free shit.
Only the strong survive. That statement still holds true after thousands of years, except strength is measured in much different ways now. Just being able to kick someone's ass will only get you so far in life. Unless you're a Mike Tyson, or some super star for a football team or whatever, your physical strength really has nothing to do with how strong you are. Strength today is measured in how much bullshit you can take before you finally say fuck it and lash back at society. How much knowledge you've obtained, and how you interact with others. Or it's measured in how much control we have over ourselves in regards to things we shouldn't do in excess or at all, i.e. drink, use drugs, rape, kill etc......
I pictured those people out there as people who come by here, looking at this or that. just taking whatever crumbs they could gather up and then riding on off down the super highway never to be heard from again, thinking they have me figured out or some shit. People who form opinions about who I am and what I'm all about because of this little pile of shit along side the super highway called FX has no idea how deep this fucker runs.

Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE

I'll SOBER UP SOON AND WRITE A REAL RANT
Posted by Tillman 01-07-05 - 6:10 PM PST

God damn, maybe shit is half ass back to normal around here.... I take a week off and I got people emailing me asking where the fuck I'm at and shit. Wow! I can't remember the last time that happened. Well, I'm here, have been too, just wasted a week or two playing a few games I got for Xmas, but I've been keeping a close eye on shit here. 'Bout 1,200 new folks a day now. Welcome!
I got to tell you guys, the way I was going to offer new gore is way too much fucking work. I'm not sure what I'm going to do at this point, but putting that lil gif beside new pics, and removing it from last months, and changing the layout every month is too much a pain in the ass for me to commit to monthly. I've sent out some mail to people that have helped FX out in the past with shit like this, and I'm waiting for a response. So...... No new gore untill I figure out what the fuck I'm going to do. But, to everyone thats been sending new shit don't stop, it will find it's way onto FX sooner or later. Same situation for any weird. fucked up pic that should be here at FX, send them, but I'm looking at new ways to offer them to you guys thats easy for me to post them all at once.
Do want to waste evryone's time to mention that a Yahoo Group took the time to email me and condem me posting pictures of trans sexual. trans gender, fuck they're called trannies! I'm not going to post the email, but the jist of it was that by displaying TS/TG (trannies) here at a site like FX made it look like they were some sort of (and I'm going to quote now) "horror movie picture women with a nasty penis surprize". I didn't bother to send any response because if there's one thing FX is all about is equal hate. Serious! I hate every single fucker on this planet! Real Boobs + cock. Cock + removed boobs. Half cock + 1 boob. Pussy + cock. Cock and a pussy.
What the fuck ever!!!! In no way shape or form do I have any hate towards any of the above listed he males, she males, freak males, male she's, she males what ever the fuck you go by. 2 pictures out of the over 5,000 posted here. Sheesh! Settle down ladies! Gentlemen..... Sigh...... Whatever.

Rant About It HERE See More Bullshit HERE